• AUTHOR: // CATEGORY: Confidence


    So let me be real with all of you…I’ve got fears about raising girls.

    How could I not? I have an amazing mother, but I still grew up having to revamp my mind by encouraging more positive thoughts, less hatred of my body, and not idolizing bodies that I could NEVER have. I watched my mother be negative about herself and I watched friend’s mothers do exactly the same. When they said they hated parts of their bodies, I was watching…and it molded my eyes. I could not see truth about my own body or understand the meaning of confidence.

    Yet, what do we do when we see something that our parents did and we want to try and fix it? Usually we go too far. Rebelling from what our parents did can do just as much damage.

    So I’ve tried to take all emotion out of it, but sometimes that emotion slips in and it just did today…

    My daughters got Barbies this Christmas. I know peoples’ fears about Barbie and I honestly never wanted to be that helicopter mom that kept them from Barbies at all. If I try and keep them from Barbies, I’m waging a battle that I just cannot win. There will always be friends that have Barbies. As with all things…if my girls are going to learn about anything, I want it to be learned from Ben and me first.

    But today I was looking at the Barbies in my girls hands’ and my brain started to think about the difference between that Barbie’s body and the beautiful big-thighed body that I could very possibly pass on to these girls. Ugh. The first one that bothered me was the doll for Katniss.

    My daughter loves the Hunger Games and badly wanted the Katniss doll. As she held her today I was awestruck at the square crotch this Katniss had. Holy Crap.


    Then I looked at my other daughter who had a Frozen Elsa doll in Barbie shorts. Holy Hell. This doll was just as bad with the skinny little thighs. This will totally be okay for women who know they are going to pass on 6′ long tiny legs, but to a woman that knows she’s going to pass on fantastic-strong-beast mode thighs…????


    So in a way I had to come to rational thought without allowing the fear and emotion.

    *The girls are truly clueless to this issue right now about the thighs. *They only see the doll. *But they are also all knees and elbows right now. *In just a couple of years puberty is going to hit. *These dolls could possibly create ideals in their head that they won’t even understand until later.


    Then I came up with a brilliant answer. Buy a couple of Barbies or just dolls with different body types. All different body types. Then they are all intermixed just like society and they are never asked to make the distinction. They’ll get enough of that $&#% from Victoria’s Secret and Carl’s Jr. commercials when they get older.

    I could buy thick-thighed dolls right?


    If any of you know somewhere that has what I am looking for please leave me a comment below!

    I DID read about a designer named Nickolay Lamm. He created images of what a true 18 year old would look like. AND KABOOM…she has legs and a booty. Fabulous.


    The booty is fantastic!


    Oh wait…I can’t buy them…they’re just created to show me the difference. Boo. Not bad on Mr. Lamm’s part…he’s working on it…but just boo that I can’t get them right now…cause you know…that would appease my fears. Go look at Nickolay’s website…so proud of this guy.

    I would gladly pay thirty bucks a piece or more for a doll that could be introduced to my girls. Would I walk in my house, hand them the doll and say, “Girls! Finally a doll with a real figure!” No. Skinny girls have real figures too. The power of suggestion is real and if they aren’t aware of the difference than why create the difference in their heads…if you get what I mean.

    Rather, I would simply introduce the dolls to them easily and without explanation. You see, what I’m trying to do is just prepare their mind. The more bodies that I put in front of them that look like theirs, the more they won’t have to question why theirs is different. Or at least that’s my theory.

    This theory comes from the fact that I have had to change the women I look at (I used to look at body types that were NOT mine, and now I find women with nice strong thighs or curves on PINTEREST OR INSTAGRAM or wherever the heck I’m looking at women??) and once I did…it truly changed my life. It started small and then, it was like a lightbulb that switched on. I’ve never been more proud of my thick thighs and derriere. It took about a year of constant thought changing.

    This even changed my writing. I’ve never been more aware than I am now of writing Strong and Fearless Heroines for my novels. It’s because I have truly embraced the empowerment of women and the confidence that needs to be there to allow you to be you. I found a new growth with Jiu Jitsu in my life. It’s made me want to kick butt and teach my girls to do the same. The Heroine in my novel “The Hiders” will start to kick butt as the novels continue…(Part 2 of The Hiders is due in the Spring)

    Now, if I can just find them a thick-thighed Barbie….!!!!

    But here it goes until I can fill my daughters room with dolls of all different shapes and sizes…the answer lies with me. The more comfortable I am in my own skin, the more I show them how much I love my body and how blessed we are to just live in it, the more comfortable they will be. They will never hear me say what I hate about my body or that I have to lose weight…ever. And truth be told…I don’t ever need to say those things anymore.I never thought that was possible. It’s amazing what the power of positive thought can do. Capture those thoughts ladies! Don’t let them pass negatively.

    And whatever you do…don’t ever speak negatively about your body in front of your daughters…they are listening! Believe me, I was.

    So tell me, do you have fears about your children…boy or girl? And how do you deal with them? I’d love to hear your feedback.





3 Responses to Barbie With A Butt

  • Amanda wrote on January 5, 2016 at 2:29 // Reply

    Hey Tessa! I love your article. This is the same approach I’m trying to take with my own daughter (and hopefully with the next, due in Feb). I want her to be surrounded by variety too, and I love your focus: “Buy a couple of Barbies or just dolls with different body types. All different body types. Then they are all intermixed just like society and they are never asked to make the distinction.” THIS.

    I think having different shapes, sizes ethnicities, etc, is the way to go. Yes, there is a harmful message to be found in the world, but hopefully, we can raise our girls to be women who are confident to be the best version of THEMSELVES- mentally, emotionally, physically, whatever works for how they were created.

    Also, you CAN buy the Lammily doll (my daughter has one): Just noticed they are coming out with a new one, that we’ll be all over!

    We love it 🙂

  • Jos wrote on January 5, 2016 at 6:09 // Reply

    Great post! I so agree. I have made a vow to never talk about my body negatively in front of my boys. And that girls can be just as strong (or stronger). Let me know of you find other body type dolls. Would be cool to have ones from different culture too! Keep up the good work. Xoxo

  • Ben wrote on January 5, 2016 at 7:38 // Reply



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